Hello, my name is Gene Grella. I am a 23 year old graduate from Bentley University, currently working full time. I have suffered from ADHD, anxiety, and depression my whole life. Since I was young, I had nightmares each night thinking that I was going to get rabies, diabetes, or some other affliction that would kill me; little did I know, it was caused by an illness that almost did.
My anxiety grew and as I got older, I noticed that it presented in different forms. It strained away from the neuroses and fears manifested in my dreams as a child and shifted to daily anxiety driven by how others viewed me. Anxiety took hold on the stresses of my everyday life – fearing that I would let my parents down if I didn’t succeed, dreading that I wasn’t good enough for the people I was with, and constantly worrying that I was being judged for who I integrally was as a person.
This anxiety, coupled with my spastic actions as someone with ADHD, caused other kids to look at me differently than they did my peers, as I consequently acted on impulse and couldn’t sit still. With this added judgment, I began to recede into a depressive state, spending my evenings curled up in bed listening to Pink Floyd or playing online chess. I found that in these times, the one thought that kept me going was a belief that I would make a difference in this world, no matter what happened.
When I left high school and started my undergrad, I found a solution to my anxiety and depression: alcohol. I found that if I drank, my anxiety temporarily abated and I could have fun again. In fact, the more I drank, the better I felt. I would drink until I blacked-out, causing me to wake up each morning worried and preoccupied about what I had done the previous night.
Sometimes I woke up fine; sometimes my wallet was missing. Other mornings I woke up with a black eye, wondering who or what had caused it. It was the latter moments that scared me the most: wondering if I fought someone, if I won or lost, or if I had injured or killed someone. These thoughts terrified me, but they weren’t enough to keep me from turning back to alcohol each night.
As the year went on, I became progressively better at hiding my addiction. I would call my parents at 8:00 every night so I could lie to and assure them that I would be OK before I started pregaming. I was an addict, convinced through my denial that I could function as an ordinary college student. I was surrounded by people that told me that I was worse than they were, but I watched as they binge drank and thought, “How am I different?”
It wasn’t until I transferred colleges – leaving my previous school to attend Bentley University – that I realized it was time for a change. I tried quitting on my own, but found myself convinced that I could be like everyone else, a normal college student, and I failed to keep my limits. I had fallen back into my old habits and I was a wreck.
A few months later (thanks to the support of friends, family, and a campus counselor), I found my way to AA. With a new support system and a new drive to quit, I worked my hardest to stay sober in the face of frequent college parties. I am proud to say that since that day, September 8th, 2014, I have not had a sip of alcohol.
In January 2017 – my senior year of college – I decided to adopt a new motto that would ultimately frame my world perspective. I shifted my mindset to one of “positivity.” I worked to open my mind to new treatments and started my course of taking medicines and seeing doctors to treat my mental health afflictions.
After some months of discovering outlets, taking medications, and experimenting with dosages, I finally found some success. The treatments that worked for my ADHD, anxiety, and depression helped immensely. I used poetry as an outlet for my anxieties and I felt better each day as my medication took effect. As I worked to make my life the way I always envisioned, I spread my story. Although I was showing how I changed my mindset and life through my social media posts, this did not feel like enough.
Until one day … it hit me. I knew what I wanted to do.
I wanted to start a company that would not only spread awareness about mental health issues, but also work to get people in-touch with the resources they need. Due to stigmas surrounding mental health treatment, I felt as though it was a sign of weakness to get help for my illnesses, and I wanted to show others that reaching out was not weakness, but rather a sign of strength. It is strong to admit that we need help, just as it is strong to receive help for any illness, physical or mental.
Subsequently, I initiated Propositivity. This company is my dream. This dream is my passion. I want – no, need – to show the world that I, along with millions of others like me, have my problems, but I am not ashamed of them. I embrace them, as they are a part of me. I have been through it a lot, from days of feeling empty, to moments of panic over topically nothing at all, and I have started to feel better. Now I want to help others begin their recovery with my help. I love everyone who has been there for me, and my biggest wish is that I can give back in kind.
There is much more to follow. There will be many more resources Propositivity will offer and we have already started to work on getting people access to the resources they need. We are just getting started. I am so incredibly pleased to have the support of so many people and I am enthralled to see where we can take Propositivity… together. Thank you all for reading this message, and super thank you for working with me to create a better world.
Remember, we are in this together.
Sincerely,
Gene Grella
Propositivity
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