My sobriety journey began when I was 19 years old: September 8th, 2014. And as a member of the fraternity college scene, the one question that bubbles up frequently since that pivotal day has been “How did you stay sober and go to college?” I want to show and remind these people that while drinking is a relatively ubiquitous piece of college culture, it is neither a requirement nor the standard. I found that I was able to stay sober and above the influence while surrounded by others that drank (and admittedly, on occasion, over drank) by creating a plan, seeking out peers, and sticking to that plan.
Before I start, I want add a disclaimer and point out this advice will not work for all my readers. In my case, I could be part of a community that often drank, but I was social enough to find ways to be myself amidst this larger group. In AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), a common phrase is “If you hang around a barbershop, you are bound to get a haircut,” and for many this saying rings true. Essentially, if you spend time around a bar and immerse yourself in the drinking culture, you are more likely to succumb to the pressure and atmosphere of your surroundings. For my readers that initiating their journey, I believe that the best way to string together sober time is to avoid the places that have pressured you to drink in the past until you learn what helps you be comfortable and what works best for you.
With my disclaimer now officially out in the open, I know that social behaviors are for everyone in college, and if you scour your campus, there most certainly is a subculture of people that do not drink. When I put in the time, I realized there were others like me who chose not to drink. I tried (and I mean prioritized) keeping in contact with this community – OUR community – so I would feel more comfortable talking to them about my sobriety. Having these conversations with people in the same mindset helped me feel more comfortable.
As a fraternity brother, former president of the Bentley Inter-fraternity council, and a friend of many who consume alcohol, I have found that there are many tips that help me stay sober. The following list is composed of tips that I gained and am passing onto you, if you are considering or beginning to string together your consistent sobriety. As always, if you need any further information or questions, please reach out to me or Propositivity and I will help you in anyway I can.
1. Alcoholics Anonymous
Possibly the most important factor for me in staying sober was regularly attending alcoholics anonymous meetings. I truly believe that while the program is not necessarily for everyone, that I would not have been able to stay sober had it not been for my alcoholics anonymous meetings. Although I began to go less after a long period of time, the consistent meetings I went to every Friday at the start of my sobriety would make me feel comfortable amongst people that were like-minded and had a similar affliction.
2. Therapy and Treatment
The number one factor that contributed to the consumption of alcohol in my case was underlying mental health issues. I was drinking to cope with anxiety and depression, and those issues required treatment. I found that when I first got sober, my anxiety was at a high. I began to see an on-campus psychologist and discuss my issues once a week, usually after my AA meetings. This helped me to learn to love myself and feel comfortable in my own skin as I paved the way for my recovery.
3. Surround yourself with People that make you COMFORTABLE
In an environment with guests and friends drinking, it can be hard to be present and feel comfortable. The one thing that can help alleviate this inevitable awkward feeling is to surround yourself with friends who support you and support your goal. I often would stick with my friends around the pong table, or on the dance floor, so I could participate and so I knew that I was not alone at the party. This sense of togetherness made me feel as though I could stay in the company of others as I felt strong amidst my good friends.
4. Find a Substitute
When you quit drinking, there can be a time where you feel awkward without a cup in your hand. For me, Red Bull started as my beer substitute as the caffeine made me feel energized and ready to dance. Over time, this seemed to be a cause of anxiety for me as the caffeine accelerated my heart rate and became too much if I drank it too fast. Since I wanted to feel normal, seltzer water became a favorite of mine. At the bar, I will always order a seltzer water with lime so I can have a drink that I will drink slowly and truly enjoy the taste. This worked better than tap water for me because the carbonation would cause me to drink my drinks slower, and I would then spend less time in the bathroom. With a proper substitute, I found that I was able to feel even more comfortable as I was able to feel as if I was drinking without the negative side-effects of alcohol. For me, non-alcoholic beer was not an appropriate substitute as this contains a small percentage of alcohol and the taste could trigger a relapse.
5. Find your Purpose
Often times at a party or at a club, it can seem that everyone’s purpose is to get drunk. I felt that when I was most comfortable when I had a “purpose” at these parties. For me, I often found that my purpose was to try and keep the fraternity house from falling apart. I would keep my friends and others from destroying various items or from doing things that they would later regret while cleaning messes that occured. While this is obviously not a solution for everyone, things that can give you a sense of “purpose” are playing drinking games with your water or seltzer, playing pong, meeting new people, or dancing! I believe that entering the party with a clear idea of how you intend to enjoy yourself is key to avoiding taking that first drink.
6. Get Away
The key thing that you must do when you are feeling close to taking a drink, is stepping back, and taking time away from the party. When anxious, I would often go for a walk, or go outside. If need be, I would go home and I would find the comfortability of my bed or friends that were not out that night. There is going to be a time where you are not comfortable while at the party or bar, and it is at these times that you must take your space. You have to be able to take time away in order to keep yourself away from taking a drink, and if you truly want to remain sober, you may have to miss some parties, especially if you are in the wrong mindset.
7. Take Everything One Hour at a Time
When it comes down to it, you have to take everything a day at a time to stay sober. You must think “I will not drink for the next hour” and remind yourself every hour that you are going to stay sober. It is not easy to stay sober and it is especially not easy amidst an environment of drinking. So, if you want to be a part of the parties and group events in which others are getting drunk, remember to remind yourself to go each hour without a drink. In AA, it is “A day at a time’, and this exact mentality applies to anyone quitting, especially for anyone trying to quit in college.
8. Be Honest
For many, this might not come naturally, but my final tip is, in my experience, to remain honest. I have only experienced one reaction when telling others that I am trying to stay sober, and that is surprise. Not only surprise that I am at a party while sober, but surprise that I am strong enough to be there. Everyone is extremely accepting because most people in their lives know someone who is suffering from alcoholism and understand that it is a worthwhile cause. If you feel comfortable talking about it, it can often make you feel even more accepted amongst a crowd if you discuss it and see that others are proud of you for your commitment. Remaining honest in all your pursuits is a worthy endeavor as you will not only see that others are appreciative of your honesty, but you will see that you feel better as you are acting as yourself.
To anyone that is trying to get sober, please remember that this is a difficult process. This is something that will take time, and effort. You need to be committed to your sobriety so that you can remain sober in face of all odds. If you ever need anything, take a break and call someone that you love. Take a time out and call someone who supports you be it your parents, a family member, or a sponsor. As I mentioned before, if you need to take time away from your school or from the social scene, remember that it is not going anywhere. You can always come back when you are strong enough to resist a drink and you can always find another party or social situation in which you will feel more comfortable.
Every campus is full of opportunities for you to feel as though you are a part of a group. So go out and join a club or team to be a part of in which you can work towards making friends and avoiding a drink. If you need anything, reach out to propositivity on our website, www.propositivty.com/recovery, or reach out to a rehabilitation clinic if need be. There are many out there just like you and as always, remember you are #NotAlone.
Thank you and God Bless,
Gene Grella
Propositivity
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