This post came in the form of a submission from a reddit user. The writing is from the perspective of a man with social anxiety, and “the Beings” that dissect and dismantle him methodically.
Beings
By: David F
I had long dreaded this day. Going in disguise as one of the Beings. Going into their realm with no protection. The horrific fear of what they could do to me was as innate and strong as a fear of fire or drowning. I knew I couldn’t let myself be found out as I don’t have the powers they do. Powers that would be turned on me should I make even the smallest error.
I do wish I had their powers. Despite my fear of them, I wish I was one of them. A part of their clan. Even for a day, just to feel what it is like to be one of these creatures. I had practiced pretending to be one of them and told myself, half believing, that they wouldn’t find me out this time. I arrived and I entered their lair. I started my act. The preparation seemed to be paying off. They didn’t notice I was not one of them. I know they can smell fear so I tried to stay calm. I maneuvered through the horde hoping for it all to end. Wanting to just go home, to give up the disguise and the act and return to safety. I watched the clock intently.
Then it happened. I slipped up; I stumbled; I failed. Whether it was one wrong word or one false movement, it didn’t matter much. They knew; they had me; they owned me. Stupid. At once, I saw my folly. I was stupid to go. I was stupid to have believed I could trick them. Stupid. That was my last thought as they started to work their evil.
Stupid. It was their first thought for not noticing me sooner. They ripped off my disguise. They scanned my face and my clothes. They saw I was stunningly different from them. My speech, my walk, my drinking and eating habits. Each was a clue they should have picked up on sooner. Mistakes they would learn from, and mistakes they would not make again. At that juncture, it was time to pay for my arrogance: for thinking I could just walk into their world and hide amongst them. And so it began.
They used their eyes to paralyze me in place so that they could work on me, slowly and methodically. I wanted to scream but I could not make a sound. I wanted to run but my body would not move. They set up a large white-topped table in front of me. Their eyes, those two hideous probes in their heads, began their painful dissection. Working as a team they pried open my brain and began pulling out small pieces to lay on the stark white table as I watched In horror; a dull pain running deep into my bones. They started with my weaknesses and doubts, ripping them from my head and lining them up carefully on the table to inspect. My ugliest thoughts came next; every dark thought I ever had going back to childhood was placed in front of them as they looked upon me with disgust. They moved on. There was anger on their faces as they examined each false action I ever made. Every lie I ever told was added to their growing collection. My faults, my embarrassments, my resentments all laid bare as they judged. They discussed the sentence they would hand down for the crimes they had uncovered. Crimes they themselves had never committed because the Beings don’t have such weaknesses. They became excited, furious, and intrigued: and they were far from finished.
Minutes turned to hours as I stood there frozen in the same posture. My mind raced and my muscles ached. The air got colder and colder. Breathing became harder with each breath. They had broken me and now, it was time for them to have some fun. They wanted to indulge themselves as a reward for capturing me. They cleared the table and pulled out my hopes and dreams. The Beings laughed hard at these plans, as they already knew none would come to fruition, and they mocked me for having such ridiculous fantasies of what they deemed impossible. They pulled out the things I love, snickering, as I closed my eyes wanting to turn invisible and escape. I looked back down at the table and saw the things that make me happy, the moments that make me laugh, and the people that make me feel safe scattered about. They were no longer organizing carefully; they were pulling things from me and just slapping them down to share and to play with. Every book I had ever read, every movie I had watched, and food I had tasted was ripped from me and became fodder for their jeers, as none met the standards of a Being.
They finally began slowing down. All of the negative and dark things inside me were now trash at their feet. The good, along with the wants and desires, soon joined the trash lining the ground. The table was empty once again. They regained focus one last time as they perused each of my fears, surprised at how numerous they were and how weak I must be to hold these fears. Spiders, heights, car crashes, house fires, and more now began to fill the table leaving almost no white to be seen; yet they didn’t stop probing. It was as if they were looking for something specific; something expected that hadn’t been found yet. And then, they smiled a knowing and proud smile. For they had found what they had been looking for and had placed it down. I watched the Beings seeing themselves on the table and saw them relish in knowing they had been in my head as they had hoped. Smugly and victoriously they moved towards me to impart my sentence as claustrophobia set in. Maybe because of the laughter my innermost thoughts had given them, or maybe out of pity for someone so small and weak, they went easy on me. I was banished for life. A redundant sentence, as I had already promised myself that if I got out alive, I would never return. I would never be so stupid. I would never believe I could fool them again. I left, finally, relieved yet exhausted.
I awoke the next morning not quite sure where I was. I was in my bed. I had made it home. Alive. Alive, but wounded. Wounded with the embarrassment of them having seen inside of me. Feeling stripped bare by their view of my innermost secrets. I hated them. Or perhaps, I hated myself for not possessing their powers. Either way, I still longed to be one of them.
I ran the night through my head again. Where did I go wrong? Where had I failed? What caused them to catch on? I had showered and dressed, drove over with my family, and arrived and recognized some that I knew. I spoke with them: I was doing well. I grabbed a soda from the cooler, ate a hamburger, and stood by the grill awhile. I watched my kids play with friends. I watched as the pool became more crowded, and lawn games drew more players. All was fine.
Then the horrors of the day before came back, as my memory jogged to the moment I had failed. I had been still by the grill. My family was nowhere to be seen at that moment. Those I had met before were in deep conversation. I looked around in panic for a safety valve; for anyone I knew. I thought and overthought, who I should approach and what words to use. And then for the briefest of moments, for an imperceptible blink of an eye, I froze and felt their eyes upon me. I walked out of the yard and drove home. Feeling weak and exhausted. Defeated. Exposed.
Thank You to David F for your submission! If you would like to submit an article or a story, please email propositivityus@gmail.com