The word ‘crazy’ seems to be tossed around often. I have been described as crazy, as well as the all-too-similar insane, wild, sporadic, scatterbrained, and psychotic. For what reason? Maybe because of my high energy, because of my anxieties, because of my social interactions. Last year, I took on my new mindset of #Positivity and, in doing so, changed my outlook on the world.
When I decided to look at the positive aspects in my life and the peoples’ around me, I decided hatred wasn’t necessary. I took the negative thoughts I had towards others and looked internally to source where the strong emotional reactions came from. I found, more often than not, a majority of my negative opinions on others was a reaction from the words they used, the actions that aimed to keep me down me, or by insecurities that I saw within myself that they also may have felt.
I also found I internalized blame for the ways I was treated. I thought I was crazy. My thoughts turned into a flaw that needed to be fixed. The beginning of my recovery from depression had to begin with learning to embrace my flaws and explaining why others had treated me the way they did.
When it came to accepting myself as I was – flawed – it took time. It took reminding myself each morning that I was doing my best and reflecting each night on the positive impacts I had on the world every day. My friend taught me that it is important to say three sentences each night: Today, I am grateful for this _____. Today, I am glad that I did _____. Tomorrow, I will do _____. Each of these sentences were filled with three events that had a positive impact on my life or the lives around me, with the last sentence containing three ways in which I hoped to create a better world tomorrow.
This regiment was one of many ways I learned to change my mindset towards myself. To think about my positive attributes and actions each day forced me to look at life through a new lens. I changed my perspective, and in doing so, opened up a new world of possibilities.
As for explaining why others had treated me poorly, I decided that the only reason for negative actions were the result of negative feelings. We all seemingly wish the best for ourselves at the least, and so some act selfishly in hurting others. Someone often hurts you because they themselves are hurt, or they view your pain as empowering. No matter the cause, I determined that in my life, there was no need to harbor the negative feelings they had brought me. I was no longer going to let them occupy space within my mind. I had to learn to forgive and to love.
This sentiment is not to say that you should forget those who have caused you pain. You should remember, as it is important to remember those who wish to hurt you, and to purge them from your life to keep your life together. We can try to help most people, but some will remain toxic and will continue to hurt you, and for those, we learn to accept that their problems will need to be fixed in time through their own struggles.
When these changes in my life had taken their course, and I had started to learn to love myself, I opened my mind to the idea that we are all truly equal. I decided not to compare my impact, or my suffering, to others’. We are all going down our own paths, and these will lead us towards the impact we are meant to have. After I decided that, I knew this world was mine for the taking.
If I no longer had to compare myself, I could do anything. I could start working on helping others through my story. I could start my own company. I could work towards creating a better world for myself, for those I cared about, and for everyone else. I could be me.
Which brings me to my final point: I am crazy; I am psychotic; I am insane; I am not “normal” as I do not feel that I belong to the perception of normalcy. In moving on from the idea that others could affect what I am doing, I felt as though I broke reality. I decided in my life, anything is achievable. I control my perception of the world and I can change that perception I can change the world.
Although I still have days where I am down, moments where I feel so deeply that the world is against me, I can work towards changing my perspective and doing what I want to do with each day. I can state three things that I would like to do tomorrow, and I can wake up, and I can work towards those goals. As long as I am working, I am going to be successful. Success is not determined by money, or by influence: it is determined by the way you utilize the life you are given, towards creating a better world.
These are my beliefs, and a few of the many changes I have made and will continue make. So you may call me anything you would like to describe how I do not think normally, because being “normal” is the last thing I would ever want to be.
Love,
Gene Grella
Propositivity
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